I’m at work.
I’m doing my job while keeping a close eye on the news.
“Susan Collins” starts to trend on Twitter. She’s going to announce a decision.
I try to work. My head starts to pound. My stomach starts to churn. The telltale signs of a panic attack begin to flutter in my chest.
She rambles for many minutes but it’s clear what’s coming. I know. I’ve known for days. It’s been obvious.
She’s voting yes to confirm Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court.
She’s voting yes. She’s fucking voting YES.
I have to take an unscheduled break and have a break down in the bathroom. Everything is falling apart. A 5/4 court could try to overturn Roe v Wade. Under represented minorities will likely lose rights in any case that makes it to the SCOTUS. It could make it so that Trump can pardon people at the federal level and they have no repercussions at the state level.
Everything is falling apart.
A misogynistic abuser will be sitting on the highest court in the land.
The United States is violently shifting right at the expense of the powerless.
I don’t feel safe here.
My heart is pounding. My stomach is churning. My head feels like it’s in a vice.
I come back from my unscheduled break and have to keep working. I have to. I have to put a roof over my head. I have to keep earning and being part of this society that’s veering so far away from what I believe America stands for. I need to keep going.
Ibuprofen. Pepto. Prescribed Klonopin. Maybe this combination will make these next 5 hours somewhat bearable as I feel like my insides are torn apart and stomped to pieces on the floor.
I don’t want to go on, though. But I have to.