I knew the months of July and August would be busy. I had a trip to Disneyland and the zoo planned right before San Diego Comic-Con. Then I came back to my local convention the following weekend. Then I had Gishwhes, which has been a huge aspect of my life for seven years. It was a tight 5 weeks of intense scheduling where every single day – including laundry days and meals – was planned practically down to the hour. But right before these extremely busy weeks started – just four days before my flight too off to southern California – my aunt died.
She was not just some distant aunt that I’m related to by blood or marriage. Oh my no. She was an aunt that I considered a second mother through my childhood. She was an aunt whose daughter is basically my sister – whose grandson is basically my nephew. She was nn aunt whose backyard hosted so many of my birthday parties as a kid, whose address we used when I was younger so that I could get into schools in a better district than my own. She was an aunt whom I’d lived with at two points in my life when I was at my lowest and nearly homeless. She was an aunt who had dubbed me a “bright light” in the family and attending my college graduation despite living many MANY hours away.. She was an aunt who would roll her eyes at my geekiness, but would still drive me down into San Diego several hours out of her way so I could attend my very first San Diego Comic-Con (which I’ve been attending faithfully ever since).
She was a huge part of my life and I haven’t had time to properly mourn her passing. I have a lot of unresolved issues surrounding our last interactions and I have a lot of guilt and contemplation to do about my own life as a result. I can’t stop thinking about her and crying about all the stuff I’ll never get to say. I sent her a Facebook message 3 days before she passed. It was never read. It never will be.
So I’d like to talk about Gishwhes right now. I’d like to talk about the last Gishwhes that would ever happen and how much it meant to me. I’d like to talk about all the amazing things that happened at San Diego Comic-Con and, hey some of the not so great things. Because my life revolves around SDCC and it doesn’t feel right to have had so few conversations about it since it ende. I’d like to sit down and put up my own panel from Comic Con Honolulu, which was even better than my last panel. But… I can’t right now. I need some time to cry. I need time to think. And I don’t know how long that will take.